Find a Little Faith to Fall Back On
by withlovej
Summary: Bella & Edward got married after all. Jacob was left behind in La Push once the newlyweds moved to sunny LA where they attend USC. Bella & Jake have lost touch until something she wishes would never happen finally does. A/U humans, no vamps/werewolves
1. Prologue: Na Zdrowie!

**Disclaimer**: I do not own _Twilight_ or its plot/characters. I only own Taylor Lautner... and any unrecognized characters or events in the following FF.

I barely own the title of this whole FF. It's lyrics to "Faith To Fall Back On" by Hunter Hayes. I recently went to a concert and he was there. This song is now just playing in my head all day. You should go listen to it and buy his new album (yes, I do have it)!

Anyways, I know I'm starting a story when I just started another story a few days ago. I just had this idea come to me and I felt like I should really start something. So, here it is.

Readers, please note: This story includes the death of an infant. If you have lost a young one or have had a miscarriage ever, I advise you not to read this! If you continue past this point, I will make sure there is a warning at the top, noting what chapter includes talk of the death or the actual death.

It's hard to write this as it is or think about it, but I'm moved to write it. I just feel it's great to share. I've lost young loved ones before, though, and know what it feels like. Please, remember these words as you make your decision to continue reading or not. I will try as much as possible to not include much of the death, but there will be discussions about it. If you'd like an alternate version of the chapter(s) where there will be no said death, that can be arranged if you PM me.

**Quick setting explanation**: This PROLOGUE (not the whole story) takes places right after _Eclipse_ (Bella has graduated - that's pretty much it). There are no werewolves or vampires, but everyone still carries out some interesting traits or secrets.

Sorry for the long message, but thank you and enjoy!

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><p>Prologue<p>

"_Na zdrowie!_"

(BPOV)

I sat on my bed in Edward's and my room. We were leaving our home in Forks, Washington to go to USC in Los Angeles together in just a few days. I'd be leaving everyone behind. My father, Jessica Stanley, Angela Weber, Eric Yorkie, even Mike Newton. I'd be leaving Billy Black and his son.

His son, Jacob Black.

I'd be leaving Jacob behind. After everything we've been through together. When Edward moved away not too long ago because his father got a new job in New Jersey at Johns Hopkins in Maryland, Jacob was my rescuer. Edward left me with a broken heart, but Jacob, he put my heart back together and I actually started to fall in love with him. That is until Alice, Edward's sister and my best friend, called to tell me they were moving back to Forks.

I was too excited about Edward coming back that I abandoned my friendship and blossoming love for Jacob. I forgot to return his calls or texts. I felt terrible about it once my father brought it up earlier this summer.

_Jake called today. The kid sounded sad. He asked if you wanted to hang out at the beach. I said you were too busy with one of your friends from school, but I know you' were just talking with Edward on the phone._ Charlie sighed and drank some of his Vitamin R as he calls it. _Bells, what's going on? I thought that you and Jake were starting to become something here. I mean, Edward broke your heart and you're just going to take him back?_

_Dad, it's not like that. Jacob and I, we..._ I couldn't think of any explanation. Charlie was right, but I didn't want to admit it._ Jacob and I are just friends._

_Bella, Jacob put your heart back together and you repay him by breaking his heart? I though you cared about him._

_I do, Dad. He's not my boyfriend, though. It's not my fault if he has a huge crush on me. Edward is my boyfriend. We belong together and he's coming back. We're going to be together again._

_Bella, I don't like the sound of this. Edward and his family are good people, but I can't watch that boy break you again. I can't sit here helpless again. You're my little girl and you only grow up once. I'd like it to be a happy process._

_I'll be fine, Charlie. Stop worrying. I'm old enough to take care of myself and I'm going off to college when summer's over. Edward and I will apply to college together and we'll be happy. Can't you be happy for me, Dad?_

Charlie rubbed his eyes and shrugged. _I love you, Bells. I always will and I'll always be supportive of you. You know I'm happy for you._

_Thanks, Dad. It'll all work out. Don't be so apprehensive about Edward. He's a great guy and I love him. I'll start hanging out with Jacob again. I promise._

_Fine, Bella. Just don't shut the kid out. He's had it hard enough already._

_Okay. I won't._

I was talking with Jacob and hanging out with him after that, but it wasn't like before I got Alice's call about moving back. We weren't always smiling at each other and I couldn't feel Jacob's warmth radiating off of his body. He was cold. He was always sad around me. It was my fault.

I finished packing up my bags for California and went to take a shower before bed. I slid off my engagement ring from Edward and set it down on my dresser. Edward proposed to me not long after we got back together. We decided we wouldn't get married until later in our college careers or sometime after graduation. Charlie wasn't so happy about it and Jacob was despondent. He didn't look me in the eyes or talk to me with his cheerfully husky voice. It was monotoned and he declined my invites for him to hang out with me.

So, here's to my new life with Edward in college; there goes my old life back home with Charlie, Jacob and my friends. Here's to new beginnings and old ends. I guess if moving away from family and friends, your home and your life is something to celebrate, one would say_ na zdrowie_ Poland after tossing back some beer. So, here it goes.

_Na zdrowie!_

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><p><strong>AN: **_Okay! How was it? Leave me some love by clicking on "Review this chapter"! I hope it gave you some insight on how Bella's life has turned out. She's going to Stanford with Edward, but leaving behind Jacob who she was starting to fall in love with. She's engaged!_

_Lyrics to Faith To Fall Back On_

People know that love is what they want,  
>They get caught up and then it's gone<br>They can't get back the kiss they lost  
>They spend their whole life asking questions,<br>Not knowing what went wrong

But, then the answers that you know just prove you wrong,  
>Gotta have a little faith to fall back on<br>And then all that you've got left is being strong,  
>Gotta find a little faith to fall back on<p>

I didn't treat my girl like she was mine  
>Yeah, I thought I didn't need her at the time<br>But I changed my way of thinkin' when she left  
>Yeah, I finally learned my lesson, but I learned it by myself<p>

Cause when the answers that you know just prove you wrong,  
>Gotta have a little faith to fall back on<br>And then all that you've got left is being strong,  
>Gotta find a little faith to fall back on<p>

These days I'm not sure if I know  
>What I'm doing here or where I'll go<br>But, every night I say the same old prayer:

"God, I don't have to see you. I know that you're there  
>Cause there were times I thought I wouldn't make it home<br>But I kept a little faith to fall back on.  
>Yeah, and I've learned to put my trust where it belongs<br>And I've gotta little faith to fall back on."

Cause when the answers that you know just prove you wrong,  
>Oh, you gotta have a little faith to fall back on<br>Yeah, you gotta be strong. Yeah, you gotta be strong.  
>And find a little faith to fall back on.<p>

Na zdrowie_ - __No, this is not Russian for "cheers". Russians don't actually use that term much, but either way, this is Polish for cheers as Bella explains in short at the end of the prologue. - There's also a Polish restaurant in Sydney, AU that I want to try called Na Zdrowie. If any of you have tried it before, let me know how it is! :) I'm such a picky eater, so it's gotta be good... Sorry for being random in this "little" note._

_Vitamin R - **Rainier Brewing Company** (1884–1999) company in Seattle, WA that brewed Rainier Beer (which Charlie refers to as "Vitamin R" in_ Twilight_)_,_ which was popular in Pacific NW of the U.S._

_Any other questions? PM me or leave something in the reviews. So, with that... REVIEW. REVIEW. REVIEW! :)_

_Next update to come very soon! Working out the edits! And for those of you who'd like to/have already read "New Love" which is up on my page, then a new update should come either right before the next update of "Find a Little Faith to Fall Back On" or shortly after it. Thanks a bunch!_

_- H_


	2. Chapter 2: Party Hard

**A/N:** Sorry! I've been gone for quite awhile, haven't I? I'm so sorry about that! I'm back, though! RL has been pretty bad, though. After my car accident, my back has been pretty bad. I've been doing exercises and. . . oh, you probably don't care. Let's just get on with the story.

I would like to mention, though, that I'm going to stray away from the original plot, but only a little bit. I've done a lot of thinking since last year, so I'm changing it up a bit. The only changes are that Bella and Edward will not get married. They're engaged (as you've already read) and they are at USC in college. No marriage, though. I needed Jacob and Bella to mesh together sooner, so I had to eliminate the wedding from the plot. As for the thing Bella "wishes would never happen", there's also going to be a slight change. I won't say what since you never knew what the original change was going to be in the first place.

Second, sorry, but there's no actual Jacob in this chapter. It's more of a "what's Bella been doing?" kind of chapter. Just a warning. Jacob will be showing up pretty soon, though! I'm excited! I wonder if you can guess. So, onto the story!

Until noted, the story will be in Bella's POV. Any other POVs will be made clear. Thanks!

**Disclaimer**: I do not own _Twilight_ or its plot/characters. I only own Taylor Lautner... and any unrecognized characters or events in the following FF.

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><p>Chapter 2: Party Hard<p>

(BPOV)

When I left my last class of the day and walked out of the science building, Edward was parked along the street. He sat in a sleek, red 458 Italia. Emmett, the oldest of the Cullen siblings, was fond of cars and had given this car to Edward as an engagement gift. He was big on giving cars as presents, even for small occasions. For my nineteenth birthday, he gave me a European car, a Bugatti Veyron Super Sport. I had never even heard of the damn thing before. I can't even go out in public with the thing without everyone staring at me like Bill Fucking Gates wearing a Gummi Bear suit.

The Ferrari Edward sat in was supposed to be our "normal" car. What the hell was normal about it? It was still extremely expensive, especially for a freshman in college. Our friends at USC asked us that when they first saw the car.

_Edward pulled up to our friend, Danny Carson's house. He was a freshman going to the Keck School of Medicine like me. Our schedules were very similar, so we began studying and hanging out together. Danny was having a small get-together and invited me and Edward._

_It was at his fraternity, Sigma Nu. When Edward pulled up in the Ferrari, Danny stood there with a few of his friends and admired its body. I just rolled my eyes while Edward explained what extra pieces or parts were added to make it even faster or better. I wasn't sure. I'm not a car freak… not like him._

_"How do you even pay for that thing? It's gotta cost a lot for insurance and the car itself is almost a quarter of a million dollars," one of Danny's friends, Vince said._

_"It's not bad. It is costly, but my brother and I believe it's worth it," Edward simply replied._

_"Do you work for the president or something?" Danny asked. "Seriously, that's a lot of money making for a college freshman."_

_"I don't have a job at the moment as I am still figuring out what I'd like to do for a profession."_

_"Um... okay. So, what's your name anyway? Bella doesn't talk too much about herself. She just mentioned a boyfriend," Noel, one of my new 'BFFs' said._

_"Edward Cullen."_

_Everyone's jaws dropped when he said that. Of course, any mention of Edward being a Cullen causes that reaction. The Cullens are very rich, very well-known and very smart. Edward's father, Carlisle, is a doctor who makes millions each year. He's constantly traveling for his job. His wife, Esme, is an interior designer. She has designed numerous celebrities' and high-profile people's houses. Emmett is a model for Calvin Klein and Alice, Edward's adopted sister, is a fashion designer._

_Alice and I are the same age, but she's much more successful. She's been in Teen Vogue, Italian Vogue... and a handful of other fashion magazines I don't care to read. We go out to lunch or have dinner together sometimes. We've been friends since high school, but she lives in New York, so I don't see her often. We call each other a lot._

_Emmett models for Gucci, Armani and Calvin Klein. I know there's more, but again, I really don't care to know the names. He's also a big sports fan, football and baseball especially. He's like the brother I never had. He protects me and helps me out when I need it. He's tried to take me to football tournaments and baseball matches, but I have never understood what's going on._

_Rosalie Hale is his girlfriend. She's an actress, but she could also be a model. She has beautiful, blonde locks of hair that fall at her waist. Her skin is pale and her eyes are a rich, gold color. Her smile can easily blind you and she always smells like warm vanilla or something sweet. When we first met, I wasn't sure if she liked me or not, but Emmett got her to be herself and she became one of my good friends. She and Alice take me out shopping all the time even though they know I dread it._

_Jasper Hale is related to Rosalie. They're first cousins, but they're distant and don't speak of each other much. Rosalie invited the Cullens and I to a party where Alice met Jasper and they've been together ever since. That was three years ago. Now, Jasper is a student at the University of Pennsylvania studying medicine. He's the same age as Edward, Alice and I._

_"You're Edward Cullen as in richest-family-in-the-world-Cullens? Bella is dating a Cullen?!"_

_"Yes, Danny. We get it. He's rich. Can we go inside now?" I asked impatiently._

_"No way! I can't believe Bella is dating you!"_

_"Uh, excuse me? I'm right here, Danny."_

_"Yeah, yeah. So, you're the musician of the family?"_

_"I guess so. I write and compose for many people."_

_"That's so cool!"_

It was all about Edward that night. Sometimes, I wished I wasn't dating Edward. I love him, but his celebrity family's status killed me sometimes. If I had another paparazzi shove their damn camera in my face again, I swear, I'll explode.

I got in the car and Edward kissed my cheek chastely, greeting me with his charming smile and emerald green eyes. "Hello, love. How was your class?"

"It was okay," I shrugged, not wanting to talk about school. "I'm just a little tired."

"Are you saying you're not going to come with me to a party tonight? Danny's fraternity is having a big party before everyone goes off for the holidays."

"You're asking me if I want to go to another one of Sigma Nu's parties? Edward, I don't like parties or Danny's friends."

"But, love, we'll only go for a little bit. I promise."

"Edward, I have a lot of studying to do. I have an exam in a few days. You can go to the party."

"Bella, live a little bit. I know I usually let you off the hook, but it's just one time. One party."

"What's the real reason you want to go to the party?" I asked.

"Bella, I'm just trying to get acquainted with your friends. Don't you want them to stop making such a big deal out of me? I know it's not fun for me to have to answer their badgering questions. If they get used to me being around and see that I'm a normal guy, they'll act like I'm one of them."

"Edward, you can never be one of them. You're too special."

"No, my love. That's you. I love you."

"I love you, too." I sighed. "I guess I'll go to the party with you."

"You will?"

"Yes."

"That's wonderful! I don't have to go alone anymore."

"Yeah, but you owe me, Edward."

"I know, Bella. This will ease your mind. You'll be able to relax more. I love you so much. You're my life and I can't live without you. I need you to live."

I looked at Edward with suspicion, an uneasy feeling crept into my chest. I knew he loved me and we said it often. People who are engaged do that a lot, right? This was different, though. Edward said it with sadness and… I don't even know.

"Edward, what's wrong?"

"Bella, I want to be honest with you about everything, okay? Trust me."

"I do, Edward. I love you more than anything. What's wrong?"

"It's nothing between you and me or family. Everything is alright."

"Okay... Edward, you said that the party will help me relax. What's going on? Just tell me."

"Before I came to pick you up today, I got a call from my mother."

"What did Esme say?" I asked, on the verge of punching him if he didn't spit the words out.

"Charlie was having dinner with my parents and he mentioned Jacob."

Suddenly, I was hyperventilating. I could tell something had happened to my Jacob.

"What happened?! Tell me!" I almost screamed at him.

"Jacob left his dad. No one knows where he is."

"What do you mean? He's missing, like, he ran away?"

"Yes, but Billy is hoping that Jacob will call the person he loves and trusts the most."

"Who?"

"You."

My mouth was agape, all ready to catch flies and whatever other bug would love to travel inside of Bella Land. I couldn't believe what Edward was telling me. He despised Jacob, hated him with a burning passion, so I couldn't understand why he'd tell me about this. He didn't want me to see Jacob or even talk to him. Apparently, Edward had heard Jacob was a bad boy. He partied and was into illegal street racing, but I knew that Jacob wasn't like that. Maybe the partying part was true, but he'd never do something illegal.

Tears left the corners of my eyes as I fell into Edward's open embrace. "Edward! Jacob is gone!"

"Shh, love. I'm sure he'll be fine. Why don't we just go to the party tonight and hope he calls you. He'll be okay, Bella. He knows how to take care of himself." Edward kissed my forehead in an attempt to call me down, though it didn't really work. "Come on, love."

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><p>"Bella, stop worrying. He's a old enough to take care of himself," Edward sighed as we walked up to the Sigma Nu house.<p>

Music blared from speakers within the house. Red cups and beer bottles were laid out across the yard while only a few students were outside. My head was still reeling after the news about Jacob had come to my knowledge. I was still worried about him. Hours later and I couldn't think one sentence without it containing my Jacob's name.

"Still, Edward," I began saying, gnawing on my bottom lip, "he's my best friend―or _was_. It doesn't matter. The point is that I care about him."

"I know you do. I'm not saying you shouldn't. Just take a deep breath and have fun tonight. Don't stress over everything."

I nodded my head automatically and he squeezed my hand to reassure my everything was okay. In silence, we approached the fraternity and Edward let us into the frat house. Students were everywhere, dancing, playing beer pong, getting trashed. More red cups were thrown all over the floor and people were making out on couches. The vibrations from the bass of the music could be felt throughout the house as I made my way through the masses of people, clinging onto Edward's arm.

"Love, follow me. Let's go find Danny."

Once we entered the mess in the kitchen, we saw Danny and other people surrounding a keg. "Hey! Bella and Edward are here!" someone called out.

Danny and his friends all hooted loudly when Edward joined them. Like the drunk idiots they were, they tossed back a few shots before moving on to something else and got my boyfriend drunk within our first half an hour of being there. They all forgot about me when they got too engrossed in their drinking games, so I decided to wander around the house.

I became so bored, I locked myself in the bathroom for fifteen minutes. Sitting on the toilet with the lid down, I stared at the floor, counting how many squares were in the tile pattern. A knock on the door interrupted me and as soon as I opened the door, two girls flung themselves into the bathroom. Both of them were completely trashed and couldn't even walk straight, so I slammed the door shut and went back downstairs to find Edward.

"Guys, come on! Let's go to the basement! Beer pong time!" one guy, Marcus, yelled.

"We're gonna crush!" Edward slurred, throwing his arm over another boy, Zach's shoulders. "Zachary and I are the pong kings!"

"Fuck, yeah!" the built dark-haired boy roared, pumping his fist in the air. "People are already playing downstairs! Let's go check it out!"

Before anyone could move, I rushed up to Edward and rested my hand on his arm. "Edward, I—"

"Guys! I found my Isabella!" he announced for everyone to hear. "Where were you, love? We've been missing you, oh, so much!"

"Edward, you're drunk. I think you should stop for now," I warned him. I didn't like Edward when he was drunk. The jackass he becomes isn't the man I was engaged to. "Why don't you sit down?"

"I'm fine, Isabella! Don't worry your pretty little self! I'm all good!" he grinned as if he just won the lottery—not like he even needed to. "Vincent, man, come tell Isabella that everything is fine! We're all just having fun, right?"

The tall blonde sauntered over, only stumbling once. His green eyes flicked between Edward and I until he stood in front of us. "This is the best party of the year, man! Enjoy it, Bella!" Vince blurted out after tossing back his cup.

"She was going to stay home, but I convinced her to come have fun tonight," Edward beamed, his arm wrapped around my side like I was his prize. "Aren't you so glad you came with me, love? You're having fun, aren't you?"

Stepping away from him a bit, I shook my head. "Not really, Edward. I don't like parties. I already told you that, but you insisted I go."

"Because, we're all having fun! Stop worrying about your school so much! Live a little! Let's go play some pong!" Before I could respond, he and Vincent pulled me with the crowd and into the basement. "See! It's going to be great! Why don't you play, Bella?"

"No, Edward. I'm fine," I hissed, crossing my arms over my chest. "You go. I'll wait here."

After a short 'love you', he and Vincent ran off to join the rest of their friends and the crowd to watch beer pong. I stayed off in a corner, waiting for the party to be over when another body plopped itself down next to me.

"You okay?"

"I guess," I sighed with a shrug of my shoulders. "I just don't like—"

"You hate parties," Danny finished for me. Smiling, I nodded my head and leaned back against the wall. "I know you, Bella. And trust me, I wasn't much of a party person in high school, but in college, I learned that life can't always be about getting the good grades and being the perfect student. I'm not saying you should start failing, but you could try to loosen up. You're a natural student, so I'm sure that a party or something fun once in awhile won't even bring you down a bit."

"I know, Danny, but it really isn't me. I just don't like the drinking, the dancing and the people. I like sitting at home and reading a book or watching a movie." Taking a glance at the crowd of people, I puffed out a breath before turning back to my friend. "Edward used to be like that. He's go to parties occasionally, but now? It's too much for me. I don't like this anymore. I never did."

"Well, speak up for yourself. Tell him that."

"I tell him I don't like parties a lot," I say before adding, "All the time, really. He used to listen to me, but now, he's off in his own world. I don't like living in luxury—and I certainly don't like a grown man shoving a camera in my face. Edward just doesn't know that anymore. He's so different now and we're on different pages sometimes."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. I don't like to talk about it." I bit my lip as I played with the hem of my shirt, avoiding eye contact with anyone.

"No, no. Bella, I know you don't like to speak up or even speak for that matter, but it's just me. I want to be a friend you can trust. Be open with me and I'll help you out. No one else is here and I'm not going to go to Edward about this. It should be as easy as breathing," Danny smiled, nudging me gently with his elbow.

Someone else said that to me once. He said what we had was _easy as breathing_. He was my best friend and I threw it all away for this, going to parties where my boyfriend—er, _fiancé_—got drunk, and for tabloids who would throw pictures of us on every magazine cover.

"If he isn't listening to you," Danny said, "maybe you should rethink your relationship. I know you love him, but maybe that love has changed."

"Okay. Thanks, Danny."

"For what?"

"For helping me. I know I don't usually… share my feelings, but thanks. I just…" My words died off as I spoke them, realising I was stuttering and sounded stupid.

With a knowing grin, he patted my leg. "I know. I'm here for you anytime. Don't worry, Bella."

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><p><strong>AN: **I'm sorry! I know that was pretty short, but it was sort of a filler. I had some other stuff, but decided to throw it into the next chapter.

Tell me what you think! Do you like Danny? I love him! No, he's not a Jacob replacement, but he's there to. . . ugh. Sorry, if I tell you what he's there for, it will spoil everything! But, he's here to help Bella! That's your clue. He's got gorgeous eyes and dark hair. I haven't decided what he really looks like yet. Any suggestions? I asked my niece who she thought looked like a Danny and my niece, being the sweet little girl she is, suggested Zac Efron or Justin Bieber. Definitely no to Bieber, but Zac is a possibility. I was thinking badass, Ian Somerhalder, but thought Danny might be too nice. His character will evolve, though, so we'll see.

What do you think about Edward so far? About his relationship with Bella?

As for Bella, she's only slight OOC. I want to convey her shy, socially awkward self, but also let her break out of her little bubble. So, we'll see how that goes, too.

Quick thanks to **MusicTwilightLove**. If it weren't for her review, I probably wouldn't have gotten to put this up today.

**COMING SOON: JACOB BLACK! REVIEW and he'll be here sooner!**


	3. Quickie Note!

Hi, everyone! This is just a quick little note for ya. Sorry this isn't a new chapter, but the next one is finished and in the process of me editing it. I'm going over the grammar and adding a few things here and there. I really am trying to make it perfect for y'all to read.

This note is just to set up a few things. And I know FF doesn't like updates of just **AN**s, but I'll get the chapter up soon! So, no worries, yeah? Good!

Until I really plan everything out (I haven't really figured out the exact ending that matches the whole plot yet), I'm going to be **updating monthly**. If you're all lucky, I'll** update twice a month, but for now, let's just bank once a month**. How's that sound? I hope that's good enough for now, considering how RL is eating me up alive!

I hope you enjoyed the last chapter and the prologue! I hope you'll enjoy the next chapter once it's posted! Thanks so much for all your patience and for the recent follows/favourites! I love it! Thank you so much! Keep it going!

**- withlovej**


	4. Another Quickie: Sorry

Everyone, hi! Sorry for making this update another author's note. . . but I have a some really saddening news.

My husband gave me a new laptop as an early Valentine's Day gift! I think it's a wonderful gift and I needed one. My old one was much too old and slow for me to do any work or to write my lovely stories and whatever else I fancy.

The unfortunate news: when transferring all of my info, all of my files were either put in the wrong place or completely wiped away. And the sad part is that the next couple of chapters to this story were some of those files. This is completely maddening and I'm so upset because I was ready to update it this week. I was doing the final a couple days ago, but I got this laptop yesterday. So, I'm so terribly sorry about all of this! I really wish this hadn't happened. I'm going to have to rewrite the chapter.

I'm going to aim for an update by next week. I warn you now, though, it might not be as long as the original was. I have a good idea of what I wrote in this next chapter, so let's hope for the best.

**- withlovej**


	5. Update

**Hello**! I know, I know. I'm **_SOOO_** sorry I haven't been around. It's been months and months since I've been writing much here, but I have

been writing. A lot of it isn't ready to be posted. A lot of it is also very chaotic and dark.

This year has been a rough, wild ride for myself and my family. I was diagnosed with depression, my husband and I have been going through a

lot of things together. We've had many rough nights of threatening to leave or sleeping in separate rooms. My diagnosis has really put a dent in

my life and it has affected everyone around me. Not only that, but I was diagnosed with an ED. I don't really want to go into the specifics of it,

but I've been dealing with these issues (both the depression and ED) my whole life, but have always been afraid of getting help. I've always

been afraid no one would understand. For a majority of the time, it still feels like that.

I'm working on it all, though. Please, bear with me as I try to gather all of my broken pieces and glue them back together. Much love to you,

though!

With love,

whatever you really want to call me (ref: read biography)


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